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Star Trek into darkness

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Stream of vitriol about Star Trek into Darkness. Contains spoilers and my burning ridicule. Don’t bother reading and commenting if you’re just going to try and debate me and change my mind to see some positive. I will say upfront I DID see positive things and there were some scenes/characterizations I liked, but that’s not what this is about. This is about how feeble on the whole this film’s main characters and story really are. It deserves to be viciously picked apart. ESPECIALLY since I ended up paying a lot of money pre-ordering tickets back in FEBRUARY for this bullshit.


Before I start, I must say that in general I’m not even as enraged as I think I should be because the film was just so ridiculous. It was like an awful parody. I guess the main reaction I had after viewing was just.....  “Was that it? I did not enjoy that.”

First minor complaints:                                   

Portable trans-warp beaming thing which is the plot device for ‘John Harrison’ to beam out of his failing aircraft on Earth to a hide-away on Quo’Nos (Klingon Homeworld).

Um. What? The transporter is the most powerful device on a star ship (after the warp core).  It literally breaks you down into your individual atoms and then reassembles your sequence at specific co-ordinates. If the transporter is not working properly, crazy things happen (pick your episode). Somehow ‘John Harrison’ has a portable one. Even in the 24th century (The Next Generation), they rely on a ship’s transporter system. They are unable to beam somebody from one planet to another planet (Quo’Nos is over a hundred light years away btw). What. Lol hurr, if we had that why would we even have ships???

Somehow a PORTABLE device like this exists and ‘Harrison’ has it.

More technology inconsistencies in the film...

Chekov is unable to beam Spock & “Khan” up because they are moving? And yet he is able to beam Uhura down ONTO a moving target? This is essentially the same thing? It went unexplained.

But wait, wasn't Chekov able to lock on and beam Kirk & Sulu up while they were in free-fall in ST:2009? Does that not constitute moving objects? Has Chekov regressed in skill? Whatttttttttttt

And WHY IS CHEKOV MADE CHIEF ENGINEER?........ He in an ENSIGN. And in *COMMAND* STREAM. Wouldn't, I don’t know, an actual ENGINEER from ENGINEERING be more capable?

Bones and the torpedo/vessel. How the fuck can you not distinguish between a STATIONARY ORGANIC LIFE SIGNATURE and an artificial vessel? I suppose there are excuses for this, like, oh the armed torpedo is emitting frequencies which are garbling McCoy’s signature, or there’s another life signature in the torpedo and it’s undistinguishable from McCoy’s. Both those explanations are quickly thought up and possibly acceptable, but we got no explanation again. Just “oh I can’t do it!! *unecessary tension and danger because every scene must either have that or sex appeal, nobody should ever pull something off easily because they are capable lols*”

Also, this is really not a huge issue, but it still pisses me off that the reboot has embraced some junky looking ‘bullet’ phaser fire. It’s not as fearsome as an un-dodgeable particle beam of vaporising energy.

“Khan’s” blood. GENETIC ENHANCEMENT OF HUMAN DNA DOES NOT MAKE BLOOD/PLASMA MAGICAL.

On that note...

Major abysmal complaints:

I don’t even know where to start with “Khan”. Maybe with the fact that from day one J.J. Abrams outright lied and said that Cumberbatch was not playing Khan? And over and over they covered that up. For what? To keep it a secret so that they don’t spoil the fact that Into Darkness is just a parody of Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan? How are you supposed to feel when it’s revealed that the studio was lying all along lol enjoy ur surprise villain.

I don’t know why people seem to be so in awe of nu!Khan either? The character did not inspire me that he was great and better enough to be admired or even really feared.

And, even though JJ kept saying OVER and OVER that this movie was not for Star Trek fans, they undermined THAT by having Spock Prime show up in some shitty webcast and explain “yes you should be really afraid of this Khan dude because he is the most serious bad guy who was the most dangerous ever to the enterprise”. Shouldn’t we be able to infer that from the story on its own without having to be fed this ‘oo be afraid I kno the future, rememberrr the classic, Simbaaaaa’ garbage??

(Way to make Spock Prime the source of info AGAIN... Nero, anyone? Let’s not have the crew actually learn anything for themselves y’know.)

Do I even have to mention how they took many shitty liberties with Khan? MAGICAL BLOOOOOOOOD. This was probably Lindelof’s crappy contribution amirite? Much like the hateable black goo from Prometheus, Khan’s blood has properties that don’t make any human biological sense whatsoever.

Also, I suppose Nero travelling back in time to the day of Kirk’s birth (March 22, 2233) changed ALL OF PREVIOUS EARTH HISTORY, because Khan Noonien Singh, Ruler and Leader of ¼ of the Earth during the 1990s Eugenics Wars, is totally a white British terrorist dude with magic blood now. Even though he was frozen those 3 centuries ago. And Nero should not have affected him.

*Granted I remember it was news that JJ and co were in talks with Benicio del Toro for the part of the villain in STID (looking for another Latino actor to match the original actor who originally portrayed the North Indian Super-Man). I remember they did not hire him because he wanted too much money. I’m kind of curious how much Cumberbatch was paid in comparison.*

Still it’s really really REALLY shitty to have such a great role (well, Khan USED to be great) cast so inappropriately. It’s like lying and lying that Uhura will not be in the movie, and then the white-skinned/blue eyed officer on the bridge goes ‘My real name is Uhura’. That’s how jarring it is. Really? Really am I to believe this guy is named Khan Singh? And there is no explanation; again they leave us to assume something to excuse lousy writing.

*Apparently Cumberbatch did a blind audition for the role; meaning he had no idea who exactly he would be playing, and he was not privy to the script. So I can’t fault him as the actor. He performed as he was able. I’m not a big fan of the performance, but he did the work. Not that that means much to me, as I've never watched Star Trek for the ACTING quality. I AM, however, quietly furious that JJ kept such a thing in the dark to everyone. Into Darkness indeed.*

Not only that, but nu!Khan’s motives for revenge seem so flimsy... We are to empathise with his crew held hostage and his manipulation under Admiral Marcus? And yet we’re supposed to fear him and his ideals? I find it extremely frustrating that nu!Khan is someone who wants to/(has?) committed genocide on people he deems inferior. I’m left assuming he distinguishes superiority in terms of a person’s enhanced blood and genes, whereas the original Khan deemed Lt. McGivers of the Enterprise a superior woman because of her determination and loyalty (no eugenics to speak of & loyalty not to HIMSELF, but to Captain Kirk). It’s the death of McGiver’s (whom Khan loved) and most of his crew/fellow super humans on Alpha Ceti V that spurred his quest for revenge in TWOK. Not that it softens original Khan’s villainy at all; it makes it human and mad all at the same time. This re-write is just REALLY lame.

Also.

I don’t like Nu!Kirk. At all. In fact, he’s pretty useless.

Which... is something that really REALLY hurts to say because Captain Kirk from Star Trek: The Original Series is my absolute favourite character out of the entire Star Trek continuum (TOS, TNG, VOY, DS9, ENT...). The way they have beaten him down and made him unrecognizable just enrages me...

Logically, from a character and hero building angle, Into Darkness should have been about Jim Kirk’s worth as a captain.

Into Darkness just made Kirk worthless! I couldn't think of one solid reason we are shown WHY any of the crew should respect Nu!Kirk as their captain of the Starship Enterprise.

With ST:2009, you could possibly excuse the changes made to Kirk. Sacrificial father, implied absentee mother, problematic relationship with stepfather, DEFINITE daddy issues, trouble with authority, law, hangs out in bars and gets into fights, etc. I suppose all of that was necessary to create some kind of ‘underdog’ image for Nu!Kirk because that’s the type of hero movie goers relate to these days? I don’t really AGREE that stripping Kirk of a good home life, being studious and hard-working is a cause to not like or relate to him, but “different timeline, different person!!” as they say.....

So how does this character’s development go? Kirk is under academic probation. Kirk gets on the enterprise by being smuggled on board. Kirk gets listened to because Captain Pike has a soft spot for him. Kirk gets promoted to 1st officer for no real good reason other than ‘omg I believe in you Jim”. Kirk is captain once he provokes Spock to an emotional compromise. That’s not really ‘earning’ the captain’s chair. And while it’s not a perfect way to captaincy, in the context of the ST:2009 it was somewhat acceptable (if you disregard that’s really not how rank works...).
You've gone through this whole movie and set of insane circumstances to get Kirk into the captain’s chair, and then overload Nu!Kirk with so many faults and insecurities that I really can’t understand why anyone would respect and follow him at all!!

In STID it’s exactly the same bullshit all over again!

Nu!Kirk and his womanizing:

I won’t even go into how making Captain Kirk out to be an asshole womanizer destroys the TOS characterization (and it does so horribly), but specifically for the reboot, this is just TERRIBLE.

Carol mentions Kirk has a “reputation”. It’s implied she heard ‘negative things’ from Christine Chapel, who is “now a nurse on a different ship/station and much happier now”, and “wow you don’t even know who I’m talking about do you?”. Then she goes and randomly starts changing her clothes and THIS IS JUST AN AWFUL SCENE FOR ME. Not only is Carol just in her underwear for not really any good reason at all, Kirk also is implied to have had some booty call he can’t remember with Nu!Nurse Chapel (?!????).  HONESTLY *WHY* was that dialogue necessary!? This doesn't lend any credibility to nu!Kirk as a character or captain, which – doesn't he already have enough weighing him down from being worthy of the captain’s chair and his crew’s respect? And if that Carol & Jim dialogue was just some crappy banter to hint to the masses that there won’t be any sexytiems between the two in the film but hay here’s her in her underwear!!1, well wow I’m sure there’s a way to do it without making Carol seem like a ‘tease’ and Jim seem like a completely unprofessional jerk. (sry I really just hated Nurse Chapel getting name dropped THIS way).

And that’s just the small personality bit. In terms of tactics and command;

Kirk evades true consequence for violation of the prime directive because Pike coddles him.

Kirk is outmaneuvered by the Klingons and Uhura has to buy them some time, wherein KHAN ultimately saves them.

Kirk is out-talked into surrender (??!?!?!!!) to Admiral Marcus, and when that fails, Scotty has to save them.

Kirk’s space jump fucks up and KHAN has to save him again by getting him back on course.

Kirk taken hostage by Khan, saved by Spock’s bait and switch torpedo.

What the hell did he do that was successful? Crawl into the warp core, re-align it, and die. This is just really sad. Beyond sad. So yes. I cry.

Kirk confides to Uhura that Spock is frustrating him because Spock keeps “second guessing him”. But KIRK is the one who really admits he doesn't know what the fuck he’s doing. He makes command decisions without any counsel thinking he’s doing the right thing by blindly following Admiral Marcus’ plans. When that blows up in his face, he admits to Spock that he believes himself to NOT be the best person in the command chair. (!!!!??!!!!!) That utterly destroyed my respect for nu!Jim as captain of the enterprise.

How can you be the captain of a ship if you don’t believe yourself worthy of the position? If he’s truly an underdog in this timeline he needs to prove he is worthy. But he never does???? He does NOT display ANY strategic thinking which succeeds, nor does he display professionalism. ALL he manages to do is put some misplaced ‘trust’ in nu!Khan to help him out in some kind of thrown together plan. This is not a leader! It’s all so careless. Pivotal moment of the film with the Enterprise orbit decaying and falling into Earth’s atmosphere, nu!Kirk managed to be one of the personnel still conscious and able-bodied to assist Scotty to engineering. Yes he makes a decision to sacrifice his life to re-align the warp core. He saved the ship yes, but at this point I don’t care?! His last action before that was to stick a seat belt on Scotty (which if they were in free-fall before entering atmosphere they should have been floating or disengaged the simulated gravity). SPOCK is the one who got to sit in the captain’s chair and give orders to abandon ship and then soak up the loyalty that the crew would rather stay. (!!!!!!!!!!!)

"In this galaxy, there's a mathematical probability of three million earth-type planets... and in all the universe, three million million galaxies like this one. And in all that, and perhaps more, only one of each of us. Don't destroy the one named Kirk."
~ McCoy's advice to Kirk | Balance of Terror (1966)


Well congrats Jar Jar Abrams. You destroyed the one named Kirk.

Btw.


Spock is not a Vulcan.

That’s not Spock.

My complaints about Nu!Spock are so vast I will not even bother right now. They’re basically the same as in my freak-out post from A WHILE BACK.

I mean there’s more I didn't like; “Khan” being marketed as a ‘terrorist’ most specifically and played out as irrationally violent, with Spock’s matching emotional violence at the end flopping HORRIBLY...

BUT even with all the character degradation going on, honestly that actually wasn't the worst part about this film.

The worst part?

Nobody. Learned. ANYTHING.

In the first reel Kirk breaks the prime directive to save Spock, and when it’s brought under official Starfleet scrutiny, he acts like he hasn't done something wrong just because no one died.  To add to this, Uhura is angry at Spock because he treated his potential death as a non-issue to the crew and people who cared whether he lived or not. BOTH Kirk and Spock needed to learn a lesson about death. This is clear.

What’s NOT clear is how they learn the lesson.

Kirk’s sacrifice to save the enterprise from crashing into Earth is really not a sacrifice at all because he’s brought back to life in a such a frenzied wrap up that the shock doesn't even linger. Kirk pretty much did EVERYTHING wrong in the film, ended up dying himself, didn't best the ‘villain’, and actually got SAVED by the ‘villain’s’ blood....... . . . . It’s all so damn meaningless...

Spock’s lesson was really unclear to me. ...What? He needed to see Kirk die to understand that the death of someone who cares for you & you care for is worth breaking regulation? I’m hesitant to give the film that much, because while Spock did immediately go after the runaway Khan, we are never shown Spock facing any sort of ramifications for a breach of protocol to make his actions seem like he was indeed ‘going against the rules for love and friendship’ and therefore learning & understanding Kirk and Uhura’s grievances after all. ... . 

It bothers me to say it seems like the writers just needed Spock to see Kirk die so that their hack selves could get Spock to scream KHAAAAAAAAN dis time!!1 LOLOL. SPOCK VS KHAN! FIGHT!!!
....

I mean, the death scene COULD have been a good moment to have Spock recognise Kirk’s sacrifice as a way of passing the Kobayashi Maru (from ST:2009), AND also experience taking the test for HIMSELF and failing, instead of simply re-doing the dialogue almost exactly copy/pasted WORD for WORD from TWOK in reverse.

Kirk’s speech at the end pained me.... seriously? It came across as ‘lol we can’t let our need for revenge make us evil.’

Except Khan didn't get any kind of consequence for being ‘evil’? He got exactly what he wanted; to be put back to sleep!! PLUS all his crew he was so emo over were safe and sound too. ALL 72. But the Enterprise lost so many? Khan did not suffer for his actions at all, so there is no lesson to be learned for the ‘villain’.

Sigh the dedication frame to the troops overseas needn't have been tacked there.... Was that just in my viewing & theater?

JJ: lol we dedicate this movie (which has a self-proclaimed terrorist bombing AND a war-mongering admiral) to our troops.

That’s pretty insulting to stick on there and not have the damn movie actually HAVE A PROGRESSIVE MESSAGE about war and terrorism other than hot British dudes’ magic blood saves all!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well, I mean, it saves all except those Klingons that were casualties of StarFleet’s internal problems lols. S’ok. LENSFLARE!!!!!11
....

Just really burnt up over this piece of crap sequel. Out of over 47 YEARS of Star Trek material to work with, in a brand new re-start universe, and THIS was what was deemed acceptable? Bloody hell.

...If you read all that and feel the intense need to reply with something to affect of “IT’S JUST A MOVIE! LOL! GIVE THEM A BREAK!”

Fuck u. I am disappointed that is what a 200+ million dollar budget shat out. The script writers, producers, and J.J. Abrams have my eternal wrath. Towards thee I roll, thou all-destroying but unconquering whale; to the last I grapple with thee; from hell’s heart I stab at thee; for hate’s sake I SPIT my last breath at thee.

*stabs*


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